Bulging Eyed Albino Love Slaves 07 13 2010

Caution: Do not read if you are a sensitive individual.  This story was meant as a spoof on how much we really know about our differences.  And is meant pose questions in a humorous sense however macabre.  I understand why someone thought it was offensive, as I find Jay Leno's humor very offensive myself, and think it is below the national standard of what we should be.  And as I read this now it offends me a too and I wrote it, but I will let it stand here and I stand by this theory-- of where it belongs Macabre. 


 Bulging Eyed Albino Love Slaves 07 13 2010

Or Beals and Beels                 

   One hundred and fifty thousand years ago civilization began in Africa.  It is said a group made its way from Africa and from there colonized the rest of the world.  So the question that begs an answer is, “Were whites once black or blacks once white?”

   If you believe we are descended from apes, what color is the skin of an ape under its fur.  Is it white or black?  If it is black, were where a few bulging eyed albino cave women?  The Albino gene does seem to run in all species, white bears, squirrels, deer, bulls, etc. The bulging eyes part is a convention that just makes the story funny.

  Did these bulging eyed Ablino women make coveted lovers.  Where they hidden in caves and made captive love slaves?  “Lenora sat in the cave with anxiety and anticipation for the one thing in life that to her made it worth living.”  It matters not whether she could escape or not, she grew bulging eyes as a seer in the dark in order to adapt.

  Are the bulging eyes of these said Albino cave women a mutation as they sought to see better in the dark, “When the men will be visiting with them.”

  Did these Albino cave women develop a second sight within their brains for some want of sex as they spryed as to when what men will be next.  Did the Bulging Eyed Albino Cave Women unable to see through the dark learn to see through their minds eye, in caves of sequester?

  Was this psychic ability then passed along to all races and colors.  Medicine men, shamans or witch doctors are said to be able to read entrails and determine the future.  Do these Bulging Eyed Albino Love Slaves have that ability?  Do they have the ability to read the discarded or disembodied energy bodies of humans?   If they have the ability to read the energy life signature of humans, what do they see?  Past, present and future?

  Were the Bulging Eyed Albino Women really apes that were albino and sequestered and made captive as love slaves or where they pariahs and outcasts that roamed and colonized other lands?

  What is the genetic advantage to not being able to be in the sun?  Are the Bulging Eyed Albino Love Salves that will indeed lead humanity through a post apocalyptic world of darkness?  Is this the true purpose of the Bulging Eyed Women? 

  In effect do the bulging eyes signify the words,” When will I (pronounced eye) be next.”

Upon reflection on this essay into the origins of mankind and his propogation, I am leaning towards a fifty/fifty probability that they were indeed Bulging Eyed Ebony Love Slaves or BEELS for short.  Either way it is pronounciated the same.  Because if you lived in a love slave sequestering cave there might be advantages, formed through adaptation passed down genetically to being black.  In a timid high voice she whispered in the darkness, “Lenora ain’t here.” 

God Bless Those That Do Not Feel Compelled To Write Stuff Like This

Constructive Nonsensical Humor,

   by Thomas Paul Murphy

Copyright 2010 Thomas Paul Murphy

 

A Reluctantly Quick Rose for Miss Emily 11 4 2009

This one was part of an assignment for a writing class.  It was a rewrite of the original and had the class in stitches. The work it is based on is said to be one of the most well read items in literature.  Miss Emily is a gal in the old south who lost her husband and lives alone, etc. Home is said to be a man that likes gentlemen. Read the background somewhere else....

A Reluctantly Quick Rose for Miss Emily 11 4 2009

  On the darkly stained dresser in the bedroom, Miss Emily had set out Homer cigars for Mr. Barron and a glass of tinctured ale.

  “Those are my favorite cigars Ms. Emily.”  Homer said as he took one and sucked on it, sliding it in his mouth a good more than halfway ostensibly to get a good taste.

  Miss Emily Spoke, “Homer I know we may not be totally for each other in terms of your preference.  So I’ve got Tobe give you a little show to get you started.”

  Miss Emily opened the creaking bedroom door and said, “Tobe now you come on in and show Homer.”

  Tobe entered the darkly framed doorway shaking like leaf with his eyes facing the floor.  He was wearing a white dress identical to Miss Emily’s.

  Homer was becoming a little queasy and lay down on the bed.

  Miss Emily then instructed Tobe, “Dance around a little bit for Mr. Homer.  Do that fancy little shuffle two step.”

  Upon seeing this Homer longingly reached and outstretched his arms to Tobe and pursed his lips.  Homer was now making endearing and genuine kissy faces with his rosebud mouth to Tobe.

  Miss Emily’s could now see her plan was coming to fruition. 

  Miss Emily then instructed Tobe, “Now we’ll do the steps I proscribed.”

  Tobe and Miss Emily’s hooped floor length dresses would not show their feet movement as they continually faced Homer and while gliding around each other in a circle.

  After a little while of this Tobe exited and Miss Emily shut the door.

  Tobe went to his quarters and wept while back in the foreboding room with the curtains pulled, in the deepest voice she could summon Miss Emily said to Homer, “This is Tobe I’m getting in bed with you now.”

Copyright 2009 Thomas Paul Murphy